hard thoughts

I've been struggling to find closure in a part of my life recently, and I've been frantically trying to figure out how to go about getting it with out the use of blame. What I think I am most confident in is that in this particular case, I don't know what exactly it is I need to be mad at. An illness, and lapse of judgement, myself? Fuck, it seems like they all apply, but yet it gets me no where. Actually, when I do lose my head momentarily and start calling thing - thoughts, actions, people out, it is very markedly so, that I in fact lose a little bit more balance, and near a frightening height and get closer to the edge of complete loathing for almost everything. 

I am so frustrated with myself. 

I need sleep as well. 

'i too am tired now

embracing thoughts of tonight's sleepless dream..

my head is empty

my toes are warm

i am safe from harm.'